What do you do when the ONE thing you run to for comfort, punishment, celebration, loneliness, stress, satisfaction, hunger, emptiness, energy and love is the ONE thing that is making you sick and killing you? This ONE thing for me is SUGAR! Up until this moment in my life, I had been in complete denial that I AM A SUGAR ADDICT. I had programmed myself that my addiction was with FOOD; I have and always would have an unhealthy relationship with FOOD and this would be my public, personal struggle my entire life.
At the young age of 13, I chose to step on the “dieting” roller coaster to lose weight and thus would find happiness. I have remained on this extremely public, personal and emotional ride for the next 20 years. I have gained and lost weight more times than I can count with the extreme lows of 100 pound gains and extreme highs of 80 pound losses. When I was not fueling my ride with food, I was fueling it with Wine & Vodka. During my highs, I would consume more and more drinks and my times of lows I would consume more and more food. Part of this “dieting” roller coaster involves struggles with deep depression (self-hating) and high anxiety (not good enough) knowing a high can lead to a low. Throughout the years, I have been on a variety of anti-anxiety and anti-depression medication taking on the risk of combining these with heavy alcohol use.
My most recent high started 3 years ago, when I promised myself this would be the last time I would take this ride and I was getting off this roller coaster at a high and NEVER return. I lost 70 pounds, participated in a half-trail marathon, and several obstacle races. I convinced myself, I finally beat this ride. Unfortunately, I didn’t get off the ride and rode it all the way to my lowest gaining all the weight back, drinking heavily, and putting myself at risk for a potentially deadly prescription cocktail. My life felt out of control and hopeless and the ride stopped in this dark self-hating, not good enough place; questioning my entire life and every decision I had ever made and needed to find a way accept my reality of Food Addiction.
This is where my Cannabis Journey begins.
About 6 months after Cannabis became legal for recreational use, I found myself at my first dispensary wanting to know more about this plant. I was Canna-Curious desiring more information of how Cannabis might help me, but not knowing anything about Cannabis. WHAT, WHY or HOW could this plant save me?
First, I started consuming Cannabis for my social drinking situations reducing my intake of Wine & Vodka to 1 or 2 drinks instead of drunken nights of 10 to 12 drinks. The more I learned about Cannabis, I discovered this beautiful plant could help with my depression and anxiety, I took the next step and stopped taking my prescription meds for these symptoms and used Cannabis to help with my high-anxiety days and elevate me during my downs. In return, Cannabis removed the possibility of a fatal reaction with prescription drugs. Then undeniable digestion issues emerged. I was not able to eat, when I did eat trying to find foods that would make me feel worse or keeping me home bound because I was too sick to venture out. I blamed it on stress in my life and being so paralyzed of making wrong decisions. Discouraged by the lack of answers in the medical world, I looked at alternative Whole Health Wellness. I learned my body was tired (poor digestion) and over-run with bad bacteria and needed to remove ALL sugar in any form from my nutrition. About 3 weeks into the sugar elimination, I started to feel something I couldn’t even remember; I felt clear headed, energetic, hopeful, happy; I felt me for the first time in over 20 years. Something I have not found on the “dieting” roller coaster. I was told I was a sugar addict NOT a food addict! I wept with tears of acknowledgement. Sugar was the fuel behind the roller coaster in both the highs and the lows impacting me both physically and mentally and I could NOT stop this ride unless I acknowledge SUGAR'S control over me.
Which brings me to my Cannabis Partner; Cannabis is helping me acknowledge my sugar addiction both physically and mentally and helping me re-creating a new relationship with food that is both enjoyably rewarding and right for me. With Cannabis and the growing understanding of sugar and me, I am learning how to live in the present and take 1 day at a time. My onion still has many layers left and sharing openly and honestly about my personal journey with Cannabis and my Sugar Addiction it a part of the healing process. Until next time; stay Canna-Curious.